Zero hone tak haath nahi rukta

Main pachchees saal ki hoon. Un bachchon ke saath kaam karti hoon jinko autism hai, jo bolte nahi hain. Ek bachcha do mahine mein 'mumma' bol de to uske parents ke liye is se badi khushi koi nahi hoti. Ye kaam mujhe zinda rakhta hai. Isi kaam ki wajah se meri income pandrah hazaar se pachhattar hazaar tak pahunchi.

Aur isi kamai ka ek rupaya bhi mere haath mein nahi bachta.

Baat 2019 ki hai. Mere partner ke ek dost ne use ek app dikhaya, usne mujhe dikhaya. Humne saath mein daala, wo pentees hazaar haar gaya aur samajhdari se chhod diya. Main nahi chhod payi, kyunki maine jeet dekh li thi. Mujhe laga tha tumse nahi hua, ruk jao, main karke dikhati hoon. Shuru se aakhir tak bas Aviator kheli hoon.

Meri sabse badi kami ye hai ki jeet ka hisaab mujhe yaad rehta hai aur haar ka nahi. Jeetti hoon to bahut khush hoti hoon. Haarti hoon to lagta hai ye meri galti thi, main jeet bhi sakti thi.

Loan apps se leti gayi kyunki ghar se maangne mein sharam aati thi. Mere liye aatmasammaan hi sab kuch tha. Partner ke ghar walon ko pata chala to unhone poocha kitna karza hai. Maine aadha bataya. Unhone bhar diya. Jo apps unhone clear kiye, unhi se maine dobara loan le liya aur baaki us app mein daal diya. Ye maine chaar baar kiya.

Ab sattar hazaar loan apps ka pending hai. Credit score khatam. Din mein pachaas call aate hain, main anjaan number uthati hi nahi. Total paanch-chhe lakh gaya hai.

Fees mujhe alag alag taarikh ko aati hai. Kisi bachche ki paanch ko, kisi ki das ko, kisi ki pandrah ko. Jis din aata hai usi din chala jaata hai. Kuch bhai ke kharche mein, kuch kiraye mein, aur baaki app mein.

Aaj bhi kheli hoon. Ek dost ka paanch hazaar dena tha, uska phone aaya tha. Teen hazaar daale, teen hazaar banaye, saade teen nikaal liye, use dhai hazaar de diya, ek kist bhar di. Saade chaar hazaar bache the. Maine socha inke paanch hazaar bana loongi to mahine ke aakhir tak ka kaam chal jaayega. Zero ho gaye.

Khelte waqt mujhe dikh jaata hai ki agla crash jaldi aayega. Samajh aata hai. Phir bhi haath nahi rukta. Jab tak wo zero hota hua na dikh jaye, main band nahi kar pati. Ab mahine ke aakhri chaar din kaise nikalenge, mujhe nahi pata.